Life doesn’t always go as planned or end up how we want it to. We are thrown curve balls everyday, some not as severe and some that stop you in your tracks. But I’ll never forget the day that this curve ball came racing down the pitch. Nick was the kind of guy everyone loved. He got along with just about anyone, from the "geeks" to the "jocks" he always had them smiling, including my family. On March 10th, 2012, Nicholas Trebonik took his life as well as a piece of our hearts. The Worthington community was saddened that day, but I will never forget the emotion my brother felt. Side by side Connor and Nick always stood by each other, like two peas in a pod. They were inseparable.
I was working at nine in the morning when my mom called me weeping. "Casey..." she spoke softly. "Yes mom?" I said quickly. "I want to tell you personally before you hear it from someone else." She said apprehensively. At that point I was a little concerned of not knowing the unknown. "Your brother's best friend Nick died in the middle of the night." She said anxiously. "What?" I said in complete shock. "Yes, he committed suicide, I'm so sorry." She said sympathetically. I hung up. I was shuddered with disbelief. I stood in the bathroom stunned, then the tears wouldn't stop running down my cold pale face.
When I got home I wanted to see my brother right away and give him the biggest hug I was capable of giving. I immediately ran up the stairs to see his door open with an empty bed. I then proceeded to my mother’s room. I paused for a second, in that moment I felt sick with sorrow. I laid next to Connor as he sobbed in the pillow. I squeezed onto him with all that I had. "I'm so sorry Connor, I'm so sorry." I said wailing with emotion. He wouldn't talk. That's when it really hurt. To see my brother that weak in a moment of despair was the worst feeling I have ever felt. To me there is no pain greater than seeing someone you love so unhappy. Then my mind rushed with thoughts and the "what if's." What if Connor never heals? Even the worst, what if he does the same to himself because the pain is too much.
Connor went through the five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Even though he was shutting out everyone around him, I wanted to make it apparent that I would always be there for him. When he was alone I’d be in the same room with him even if there were no words to be spoken, I just wanted him to be aware of my presence. But as much as I wanted to comfort Connor, at the same time I needed someone to help me get through this awful tragedy too.
The whole experience was the most gut wrenching reality I have ever felt. I always wanted to feel some kind of closure, but it felt like as if that day would never arrive. With none of Nick’s answers left behind to answer my questions, I spent a lot of time pondering. But I started to look at the tragedy in a positive way and instead of letting it bring me down I chose to see the sunlight through all of the darkness.
Nick’s passing helped shape me into the person I am today. I realized not to take so much for granted in life and to see the bigger picture. To focus on the good but still being able to acknowledge the most heart aching, gut wrenching, and mind bobbling obstacles. To not only get myself through times of unimaginable hurt and pain but to reach out and help others achieve a smile when that seems to be almost unachievable. I now follow God like I have never before. I put my trust in the man above in moments of weakness. I now see things in a different aspect.
I am truly blessed to have a healthy loving
family that I know will always give me their unconditional love and
support. So therefore I am extremely
grateful. And yet I’m grateful for going
through this battle. This horrific
experience took over me changed me for the better. If I didn’t have to go through this at a
young age, it could have taken me a lifetime to learn what I know now. So I guess everything does happen for a
reason. Nick will always be my superman as long as I live. Rest easy my love.
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